Tears streamed down my face when I learned about it from my husband; he had handed over the newspaper to me, pointing out to the news which I never knew would impact me so. Thich Nhat Hanh, the man who brought the Zen Buddhist philosophy of mindfulness to the masses, has left the mortal world. He had lived miles away in France and in Vietnam, but his passing caused a tremor within the heart of mine, who resides here in the southern India. What a magnificent life lived! I am fairly certain that many like me across the world would be mourning him today. That brings me to the ‘why’; the reason behind the influence he has on me. Notice the present tense because the influence doesn’t end with his physical departure. I would like to share this experience because I believe many out there in this complex world would benefit if they could accept it without prejudices.
I was introduced to Thay’s philosophy in the beginning of 2020, when the world shut down due to the arrival of corona. I may have read a bit here and there about him before that but I was foolish or ignorant enough to not delve deep into his teachings even after coming across those. But, this time it was different. I immersed myself into the world of zen balance, present moment awareness, and forgiveness through his softly and mildly spoken lectures which was available as videos and articles in the online world.
The happiness grew on me of having found the art of present moment awareness, may be in the fundamental stages at least, and the strength of compassion to seek and understand before blaming and accusing. The tumultuous period of corona was made peaceful by Thay and his simple but profound teachings. Our stages of companionship was quite an amusing one. Initially I could speak about what he said when I recounted it to my husband (who had already read Thay’s works before) and when he asked about the great philosopher’s name, I fumbled because I couldn’t pronounce it. That would lead us to laughter, childlike, egoless acceptance of our own follies.( I laugh even as I am writing this).
Next was the effort to imbibe his meditative practices, sitting meditation, walking meditation, I practised it all. That period was a tough one even for the entire family, because we had been in touch with people who didn’t share our values and we had to work with them. I also had my grandmother and my pet love Oshin at home, who I couldn’t meet because we were in a lockdown. I used to get out for my walks with the phone and earphones, listening to Thay every step of the way. I slept listening to his soothing and miraculously healing voice which at times was chanting a Buddhist mantra or speaking about the most powerful word of wisdom in the simplest of all languages. I realised I was dealing with my personal challenges with some innate calmness that was developing with time, and even sharing the empowering energy to the loved ones who I spend my time with.
Slowly our world started opening up, but the impact of the pandemic hung in and here I was listening to Thay on my way to office everyday and back home. I have been a positive person and have always strived to be but there were frequent moments where I had lost my calm and in those times negativity would fight its way in. I started realising that those periods of negativity had drastically reduced and I have been approaching every scenario, every pain with a sense of gratitude and compassion. The transformation was tangible. Thay had made quite a headway into my life and my personal being. I could also very well pronounce Thich Nhat Hanh with ease by then. So, I would play the audio automatically in the car and then someone (mostly the young children who are students of my husband’s badminton academy) would jump into changing the audio because it was too soothing that one would settle down to sleep and that’s when I would tell them proudly Thay’s name and how his zen philosophy has influenced me.
There were times till quite recently that I would play his lectures late into the night and the popular joke was how I was totally into his teachings that I couldn’t sleep without it. As we were about to sleep, I would switch his video on my phone ON and turn to my husband and grin as Thay’s mellow voice would rise from the device and my husband goes, “Ayyo, Thich Nhat Hanh” and we would both start laughing. But then, soon after that happy chuckle, both of us become humble students, reverent listeners to his perceptive and straightforward teaching.
Meanwhile, I lost two of my favourite beings in the world, my Ammamma and Oshin, both within one year, a physical loss that cannot be described in words. But with the help of all the scattered scriptures on transience of life by Thay in the virtual world (Thanks to Plum Village for uploading those) and the regular efforts of mine to make sense of life and death helped me to accept their mortal departure because I learned that they have become energy in this marvellous universe and they are always around me and within me.
Life thus went on. Even the day before, in one of my conversations with my husband, Thay came in; so one could imagine how he had influenced me over the past two years. I have been a regular reader of Zen, trying to understand and emulate many of the zen principles in life. I had previously written a few times about my understanding and interpretation of zen too, all inspired from Thay’s teachings. So, on contemplation, I gather that it was quite natural for me today to shed those tears when I read the news of the great Zen master’s passing. But, soon after, his words (in his book No Death, No Fear) flashed across my mind “You would not cry if you knew that by looking deeply into the rain you would still see the cloud” and I realise he is always here with me, in the humble understanding of life that he has passed on to me as my virtual but real teacher. I write it all down to access the calmness within me, because this is my meditation in the form of words.
Dear Thay, Thank you and we will continue to meet in the myriad paths of life.
-Anjana
the surreal notes 